French's International Copyrighted (in England, her Col- j 

onies, and the United States) Edition of the 'i 
Works of the Best Authors 

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No. 449 



JONES VERSUS JONES 



A MODERN COMEDY 

IN ONE ACT 



BY 

FLORENCE LEWIS SPEARE 



All Rights Reserved 
Copyright, 1922, by Samuel French 

Price 30 Cents 



NEW YORK 

Samuel French 

Publishei- 

28-30 West 38th Street 



LONDON 

Samuel French, Ltd. 

26 Southampton Street 

Strand 



iiiiiitiiiiiiiiiniiiiiiiiiMMiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiuiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiriiiiiiiiiiiiuiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiuiiiiiiiiiitiiiiiiiir 



The Charm School 

A fascinating comedy in three acts by Alice Duer Mill- 
er and Robert Milton. 6 males, 10 females. (May be 
played by 5 males and 8 females). Any number of school 
girls may be used in the ensembles. Scenes, two inter- 
iors. Costumes, modern. Plays 2V2 hours. 

The story of "The Charm School" is familiar to Mrs. 
Miller's readers. It relates the adventures of a hand- 
some young automobile salesman scarcely out of his 
'teens who, upon inheriting a girl's boarding school from 
a maiden aunt, insists on running it himself, according to 
his own ideas, chief of which is, by the way, that the 
dominant feature in the education of tlie young girl of 
today should be CHARM. 

The situations that arise are teeming with humor — 
clean, wholesome humor. In the end the young man 
gives up the school and promises to wait until the most 
precocious of his pupils reaches a marriageable age. 

"The Charm School" has the freshness of youth, the 
inspiration of an extravagant but novel idea, the charm 
of originality, and the promise of wholesome, sanely 
amusing, pleasant entertainment. We strongly recom- 
mend it for high school production. 

"The Charm School" was first produced at the Bijou 
Theatre, New York, and then toured the country. Two 
companies are now playing it in England. Price, 75 cents. 

Daddy Long- Legs 

A charming comedy in four acts, by Jean Webster. 
The full cast calls for 6 males, 7 females and 6 orphans, 
but the play, by the easy doubling of some of the char- 
acters may be played by 4 males, 4 females and three 
Orphans. The orphans appear only in the first act and 
may be played by small girls of any age. Four easy 
interior scenes. Costumes modern. Plays 2i/^ hours. 

The New York Times reviewer, on the morning fol- 
lowing the Broadway production, wrote the following- 
comment: 

"If you will take your pencil and write down, one be- 
low the other, the words delightful, charming, sweet. 
beautiful and entertaining, and then draw a line and 
add them up, the answer will be 'Daddy Long-Legs.' 
To that result you might even add brilliant, pathetic 
and humorous, but the answer even then would be just 
what it was before — the play which Mi.ss Jean Webster 
has made from her book. 'Daddy Long-Legs,' and which 
was presented at the Gaiety last night. To attempt to 
describe the simplicity and beauty of 'Daddy Long-Legs' 
would be like attempting to describe the first breath of 
Spring after an exceedingly tiresome and hard Winter." 

"Daddy Long-Legs" enjoyed a two-years' run in New 
York and was then toured for over three years, and is 
now published in play form for the first time. 

Price, 75 cents. 

(The Abov** Are Subject to Royalty When Produced) 

SAMITEL FRENCH, 28-30 West 38th Street, New York City 

New and Explicit Descriptive Catalogue Mailed 

Free on Request 



JONES VERSUS JONES 

A 3I0DERN COMEDY 
IN ONE ACT 

By 
FLORENCE LEWIS SPEARE 



All Rights Reserved 



Copyright, 1922, by Samuel French 



New York 

SAMUEL FRENCH 

Publisher 

28-30 West 38th Street 



London 

SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd. 

26 Southampton Street 

STRAND 






9^^ 



"JONES VERSUS JONES" is fully protected by copy- 
right, and all rights are reserved. 

Permission to act, to read publicly, or to make use of 
this play must be obtained from Samuel French, 28-30 
West 38th Street, New York. 

It may be presented by amateurs upon payment of a 
royalty of five dollars for each performance, payable to 
Samuel FrAstch one week before the date when the play 
is given. 

Professional rates quoted on application. 

Whenever the play is produced the following notice must 
appear on all programs, printing and advertising for the 
play: "Produced by special arrangement with Samuel 
French of New York." 



TMP96-006673 



©CIO 63506 



CHARACTERS IN THE PLAY 



Alice Jones Attomey-at-Law 

Carlton Jones . . . Her Husband, also an Attorney 

Mrs. Polly Keene Her Friend 

Mary A Maid 



JONES VERSUS JONES 



The scene takes place in the attractive lihrary of the 
Joneses one late afternoon in early Spring. The 
room is most attractive, the sort made cosy by 
the presence in the house of an efficient, artistic 
zvoman. It opens off a hall that runs its full 
length. The opening into the room is very wide. 
Soft light tones down all harshness. An open 
fire adds to its cheerfulness, books and bric-a- 
brac and a good picture or tivo give additional 
touches. A zvide, upholstered fire-side seat sur- 
rounds the fireplace, zvhicJi is on the right of the 
room as you enter. An attractive large picture 
hangs above it. A mantelpiece juts out over it. 
Among the trifles seen upon this is a very good 
likeness of the master of the house. It is framed 
as a woman who adores her husband does those 
things — in a hand-carved gold frame. A fine, 
long reading-table occupies a good bit of space 
on the left as you enter the room. A reading- 
lamp ; a telephone tucked behind its clever cover ; 
a scattering of choice magazines, a book or two. 
This table stands zvell dozvn in the room; on 
each side of it is placed a comfortable chair. 
You can tell the gentleman's preference because 
the chair to the left of the table is more com- 
fortable looking than it is elegant. The com- 
panion chair over the other side is the coquet- 
tish thing most women like to look comfortable 
5 



JONES VERSUS JONES 

in. His deep lounging chair is substantial, hers 
of lighter frame and make. The door leading 
into his study is in line zvitJi Jiis chair — just a 
trifle farther down the room. Another door, 
just beside the fireplace, but zvell back tozvard 
the hall, leads into the little room she calls her 
dressing-room. A soft light falls directly upon 
the table. 

Mr. Jones conceives himself to be master 
in his house even in these days of feminism. But 
he sometimes has qualms, especially zvhen he 
reads of the goings-on of ''Some of 'em." 
Politics seems fashionable for women, these 
days, and so do careers. But Mr. Jones has 
been heard to remark that he coidd not conceive 
of such a thing happening in his house — thank 
goodness, his' zvife was a pleasant little creature, 
who did everything zvhich he conceived to be 
absolutely right. She shrank from publicity, 
he thanked fortune — zvas afraid of it: "a do- 
mestic woman in these days zvhen they are so 
hard to discover." So you are to conceive of 
this husband coming home, blandly happy, zvon- 
dering zvhat the little woman is doing to make 
his evening perfect. He lets himself in the 
house, zvalks dozvn the hall zvith the same cere- 
mony zvith zvhich he always enters it. He 
is so sure that the nezvspapers are folded and 
zvaiting for him on the library table that he 
comes suavely dozvn, drazving his gloves off de- 
liberately. Good-naturedly he notices that Mary 
is just lighting the fire. His zvife zvill enter 
gracefidly, presently, in the firelight. He likes 
the idea; it frames the domestic scene right. 



Mr. Jones. (Complacently) That's nice, Mary. 
A little sharpness in the air to-night. 



JONES VERSUS JONES 7 

Mary. Yes, soir. 

Jones. An open fire adds to a room. Em a 
stickler for pleasantness in the house — as you've no 
doubt noticed, Mary. 

Mary. Yes, soir. (Going.) 

Jones. You can tell Mrs. Jones I am home. 

Mary. No, soir. (He turns a surprised, question- 
ing eye tozvard her.) Mrs. Jones is not back, soir. 

Jones. Ah! No doubt at her club. But is this 
Tuesday ? 

Mary. No, soir. 

Jones. (Takes up paper, opens it) Then it is a 
matinee. 

.Mary. Maybe so, soir. (Starts again off right and 
toward the hall. Mary is brought to a sharp pause 
by an exclamation from Mr. Jones. J 

Jones. Wait! (He is glaring at nezvs paper.) 
Where is Mrs. Jones ? 

Mary. She didn't telephone, soir. 

Jones. (Looking like a thunder cloud as he glares 
at the newspaper) Eh? What? (Tosses it down, 
picks up hat and gloves.) The instant my wife comes 
in, tell her I am waiting to speak to her in my study ! 

Mary. Yes, soir. Qones slams into his study. 
Mary shamelessly tip-toes back and picks w/) the 
paper, looks grim.) So that's what she's come to ! 
(Smiles grimly.) My congratulations ! 

(^Mary is reading along slowly as Mrs. Jones very 
hurriedly enters. She is a radiant zuoman. 
There is nothing clinging or bold about her. 
But she impresses you at first glance as a zvoman 
who can do things — and likes to do them. She 
has a little flash of humor in her voice zvhen she 
speaks — she is always blithe — and that sort of 
thing.) 

Mrs. Jones. I know I must be late, Mary. (The 



8 JONES VERSUS JONES 

maid hastily drops tJic newspaper, and backs off 
from table.) I suppose Mr. Jones has already come? 

Mary. Yes, ma'am. (Significantly.) He's in his 
room, ma'am. 

Mrs. Jones. Then you hurry with things, Mary. 
How good your fire seems. (Crosses to it and in a 
charming, quick way slips off her furs, takes off her 
Jiat, Jiands it to Mary, and then does things to her 
hair.) 

Mary. Yes, ma'am. (SJie takes the hat and starts 
away.) He's in his room, ma'am. (Her glance is 
very significant.) 

Mrs. Jones. (Szveetly) I heard you, Mary. 
(But tile little woman does not seem at all in a hurry 
to go to him. She wants Jiim to come and find her 
here. SJie knozcs sJie is a very attractive figure 
against the firelight. SJie carries herself that zvay; 
even holds her fingers out to the blase. Jones has 
not made his room pleasant for himself, so blazes 
into the library again. He returns to get that 
hated newspaper story, but comes face to face with 
his wife. He stands just outside his ozvn study door 
and glares at her. She notices no change in his 
manner. She is actually smiling.) Oh, there you 
are, Carlton! I am so glad to see you, dear! 

Jones. (Withering tone) Don't "dear" me ! (He 
controls himself.) I came to have you explain — try 
to explain — your shameless conduct. 

Mrs. Jones. (Bewilderd) My d , I don't 

know what you mean. 

Jones. Yes, yes, you do ! On my soul, I wonder 
that you can dare to look at me when you know the 
light you have put me in ! 

Mrs. Jones. What are you talking about? 

Jones. (Grabbing nezvspaper, tossing it dozvn) 
That infernal rot — that story in the newspapers. 
Had you forgotten that I still have my newspapers 
sent home? 



JONES VERSUS JONES 9 

Mrs. Jones. But I haven't seen to-day's news- 
paper. Oh, I wonder what you are furious about ! 

Jones. Will you stand there and tell me you didn't 
give this story to the reporters — yourself? 

Mrs. Jones. Let me see what can have happened. 
(She goes quickly, picks rip paper, smoofJis it out, 
glances at it, gives a glad little cry.) Oh — so that is 
out already, is it? (Sits, and reads hungrily, plainly 
shoiving her vanity. Jones hovers about, casting 
withering glances, wheeling hack and forth, up and 
down, restlessly. She has forgotten him, but he 
brings her back. He sneers openly.) 

Jones. Surprises you — that's very plain. Oh, 
yes! 

Mrs. Jones. And pleasantly surprises me, I can 
tell you. 

Jones. (Violently) Oh, does it? Well, let me 
tell you that I am ashamed to go out and meet my 
friends. 

Mrs. Jones. (Deep in her reading, murmurs) 
I can't see why. 

Jones. (The injured man snorts) Eh? 

Mrs. Jones. (Lost to his stares) You ought to 
be glad. (Reads aloud.) "Mrs. Carlton Jones, 
leader of the Smart Set, has successfully passed the 
examinations to the Bar and is admitted to plead in 
the Judicial Courts." (Mesmeri::;ed by the sudden 
horror that this situation has thrust upon him, Jones 
hovers in the background, sympathetically smoothing 
down his own back hair, but she is quite unconscious 
of this. She is just seeing herself in this iww light.), 
I'm that woman ! 

Jones. Pooh ! 

Mrs. Jones. (Little catch in her voice) Tell me 
you are proud of your wife, Carlton! 

Jones. Eh? On my soul, I'd give a fortune if I 
could wipe this thing out. My name dragged into 
such notoriety ! This to come to my house ! (Whips 



10 JONES VERSUS JONES 

suddenly around, faces .her sourly.) Wasn't one 
lawyer in the family enough? 

Mrs. Jones. Oh, you are hard, dear. Everybody 
else has been charming. 

Jones. (Squelches her) No doubt! I forgot 
them, the cats! 

Mrs. Jones. Do listen to me, Carlton 

Jones. (Raging about, deeply aggrieved) Proud 
of you! And I thought she had strength enough 
of mind for these female agitators. The papers 
every day full of the doings of some wife or other 
who has bolted the traces. God knows who's to pay 
the fiddler if such things keep on. (Stops, to zvatch 
and see her crumple under the blow he is about to 
deliver.) Let me tell you I am a man who can sup- 
port his wife — and keep her in luxury, too. Your 
pearls — your own town car 

Mrs. Jones. (Looking at hint tenderly) Yes, I 
know, dear. You are successful. But it isn't lux- 
uries I want. 

Jones. (Dazed) Eh ? 

Mrs. Jones. No. It isn't to make more money 
that I studied so hard — for I admit it was very hard 
— I wanted to help you. (The man is so shocked 
he simply is petrified on the spot. She is making 
revelations.) I kept saying to myself, over and over 
— "You must never fail him at any point in his 
career. He is to mount steadily upward, and you 
must be ready to help him, be of service to him at 
every advance." And .so I kept at those great books, 
so determined was I to make myself a more intelli- 
gent companion for my good husband 

Jones. (Shouts) Oh, hear her chatter! Intel- 
ligent companion ! Useful ! (He smiles pityingly 
on her.) So you have saddled yourself with work 
just to keep me from becoming a failure ! Of 
all things ! Intelligent companion ! (Snort of 
wrath.) 



JONES VERSUS JONES 1 1 

Mrs. Jones. Please don't misunderstand me. But 
there are so many ways I can assist you. 

Jones. Do I seem to be tottering? Am I become 
so old, 'or dull, that my profession is in peril ? (He 
zvanfs to frighten her, but she does not zvince.) By 
George ! Let me tell you, madam, when I do require 
help in the law — I won't call in a — a petticoat! 
(Starts striding again — he is pleased at that last blow 
he gave her.) I'd take down my shingle before I'd 
look such a fool 

Mrs. Jones. (Persists) If you wanted something 
typed — or looked up — I could care for that. 

Jones. No! You needn't try to wheedle me round. 
And I tell you, what's more, it was an under-handed 
trick you played on me. I knew nothing of your 
studying law. 

Mrs. "Jones. (Dimples) You never suspected — 
and yet 1 did it right under your nose. I knitted in 
all the points I had to remember ! That work-basket 
was filled with all sorts of cases ! And I unravelled 
the stocking in the morning to see if I could pick 
every 'thread of the argument up! 

Jones. (Stares at her in perplexity. This is the 
regard she Jias for the sacred lazv! ) What a pro- 
found misunderstanding of the profession you have ! 

Mrs. Jones. (Flares up) You've no right to say 
that. You can't know ! 

Jones. Anyone who would treat a sensible sub- 
ject in such a — an amazing manner could not have 
a legal opinion that is worth shucks. It is a pro- 
fession, madam — not a thing to stick a darning- 
needle in. There's the tool for you! The needle! 
You keep to that. I'll care for fees. 

Mrs. Jones. Carlton! I'll never forgive you if 
you won't give me one chance — just one — to show 
what a success I could be. 

Jones., Who cares for "a successful woman" — as a 
wife? Do you think I want to turn my home into a 



12 JONES VERSUS JONES 

shop? Leave the office only to enter here and start 
fighting legal battles all over again? No, ma'am. I 
want peace and quiet under my roof. Every, hus- 
band does — if he isn't afraid to admit it. (He is 
gratified to see she remains quiet; it spurs him on.) 
I suppose there is nothing that jars a man like hav- 
ing one of those argumentative shrews sitting across 
at the table — her clapper-tongue running along while 
she thinks he is drinking in her clear-sighted wis- 
dom. It spoils his evening beside an open fire. 
Makes him forget even his skill in a game of cards. 
By George! None of your strong-minded females 
for me! I can supply all the brains necessary for 
running my home — and my business ! 

Mrs. Jones. Yes, of course, dear. But why not 
let me do detail work — like looking up references — 
or running up to the Court for you, when you could 
be so much more weightily occupied? 

Jones. We have a clever boy or two in the office. 

Mrs. Jones. Yes, yes ! But over and over again 
as I have watched you in your study fussing and 
fuming through your papers, I said to myself, "How 
nice it would be if I only understood enough of the 
law to enter sanely into his affairs" — for it is very 
painful to me — as a wife, dear — to watch you some- 
times in that room — and you must admit I was clever 
enough going about it — to be admitted to plead in 
the courts 

Jones. T am ready to admit anything you like — so 
long as you drop the matter there and never refer to 
this subject again. (Smiles.) I am prepared even 
to forget — and forgive, all this newspaper notoriety. 
And all I shall ask you to remember, my dear, is that 
we are now back just where we were before all this 
tomfoolery started, f Jones goes to his chair, right 
of table, drops into if, picks up magazines, reads.) 

Mrs. Jones. (Bolt upright with astonishment, 
gazes fixedly at his bland profile) Carlton! I've 



JONES VERSUS JONES 13 

earned no rio^ht for consideration? (He grunts, 
buries himself deeper in his reading.) I'm to sit and 
flatter myself that — I'm your wife? Accept your 
comments — without question ? 

Jones. If it pleases you to express it that way — 
yes. 

Mrs. Jones. You amazing man ! Here I sit tell- 
ing you how passionately interested I am in seeing 
you rise to success. Craving to be launched into the 
struggle beside you. I've proved my mettle — and 
you tell me to forget all that I have worked to teach 
myself — and become again a clinging, trivial, swad- 
dled, chatty thing that only knows enough to sit up 
at your table and beam on you. But, Carlton — that 
day is over. It may seem increditable to you to hear 
it — but I've changed ! 

Jones. Be good enough to shift back again. 

Mrs. Jones. I couldn't endure it ! 

Jones. (Looking szviftly up) Haven't I been a 
good husband to you ? 

Mrs. Jones. Oh, you kept me looking so that 
your friends could see how successful you were 
growing. But I'm tired of wearing expensive 
clothes, playing bridge, and sitting in my chair 
watching you grow stout. I saw the way of escape 
and I took it, Carlton. I'll be the proudest woman 
on earth — if you will accept me — as your clerk. 

Jones. I'll say you're a determined woman! 

Mrs. Jones. (Smiling on him, wheedles) Yes? 
is it — yes? 

Jones. (Roars) No! And that's final ! 

Mrs. Jones. Is it? (She rises.) All right. Lis- 
ten to me — / shall hang out a shingle of my ozvn! 

Jones. Ehf Have you gone utterly, raving mad? 

Mrs. Jones. Don't shout, dear. It's my right to 
practice as well as yours. I mean to take it. 

Jones. (Incredulously) Do you mean ? 



14 JONES VERSUS JONES 

Mrs. Jones. I shall practice law alone. Yes, 
Carlton. 

Jones. This — in my house? By George! You 
say it — seriously? 

Mrs. Jones. Yes. 

Jones. (Einphatically) I won't have it ! Do you 
hear? 

Mrs. Jones. Your reasons? 

Jones. Can you ask them? I suppose I want to 
see my wife trailing in and out of every filthy court- 
room in this city and battling with all the sharks that 
stand up to fight a case. 

Mrs. Jones. Surely, there are some gentlemen — 
beside yourself — engaged in the law, Carlton. 

Jones. I tell you I won't be laughed at by every 
friend I've got, saying my wife has to get out and 
hustle for a living. You hear that? 

Mrs. Jones. That's not flattering to our set, dear. 
But you haven't named the real reason, yet. Hon- 
estly, have you? 

Jones. Eh? What? 

Mrs. Jones. (Siniling) Professional jealousy. I 
mean that! 

Jones. Great Scott! (Jump of rage.) If you 
were only a man ! 

Mrs. Jones. (Villainously gleeful) I knew you 
would be the very moment I got my degree. So I 
intentionally didn't tell you. And then that news- 
paper handed me over into your hands. Oh, Carl- 
ton — I passed the examinations to the Bar — and 
some of the male candidates didn't ! 

Jones. Boys, likely! 

Mrs. Jo'nes. Not a bit of it ! But I was — mag- 
nificent! (Gleefully nods.) I'll show you when 
I get a chance to triumph in a little legal sparring 
match. 

Jones. (Controlling himself) I won't stand for 
this! 



JONES VERSUS JONES 15 

Mrs. Jones. (Shamelessly boastful) You're 
afraid I won't win? 

Jones. (Inflated zvith morality) Do yo;i think 
you can play with me 

A'Irs. Jones. (Gleefully) I'll show you! 

Jones. You're my wife! (Violently.) 

Mrs. Jones. You mean — that robs me of all in- 
dividuality ? 

Jones. Stops you from making a fool of your- 
self. Your place is here. 

Mrs. Jones. You act as if you were a Turk — 
and I the favorite wife in your harem. 

Jones. (Bounds out of his chair) Ye gods ! You 
ought to be ashamed, of such words coming out of 
your mouth. All these years together — and I never 
found you out ! (Raging back and forth, hands 
jammed in pockets.) I remember laughing at other 
fellows — I thought this could never come into my 
house — : — (Stands, looks at her tragically.) Dash 
it all, Alice, haven't you any sense of decency? Of 
course you are acting on impulse 

Mrs. Jones. (Unabashed) No impulse, Carlton. 
I've been planning to say this to you for years. And 
ril stick to my guns — unless you say I am free to 
go and come in this house — as — a law clerk! 

Jones. By George, no! (Throws up his hands. 
She turns from him. His, voice and manner soften.) 
Don't let us go on in anger, dear. I've lost a grip 
on myself — and — and I don't want to say anything 
that either of us will regret later. Of course I know 
you are a capable little woman. I'm sure there isn't 
another can hold a candle to you — and I'm proud of 
your looks — and all that — you'll soon come round 
again to be the quiet little woman I married. (She 
doesn't move or speak. Jones then crosses to his 
door and stands zvitJi his hand on the knob, speaks 
to her.) Guess you're right, Alice. Least said, 
soonest mended. (Exits.) 



i6 JONES VERSUS JONES 

Alice. (Listens to the door close — looks toward 
it) He is bullying me. That's what he is doing. 
Well, I won't stand it. (She stands, reading the 
newspaper again. Telephone rings. She picks it 
tip.) Yes? Mrs. Jones speaking. Oh, Mrs. Keene, 
how sweet of you. Just read it? Thank you so 
much! What! Am I going to practice? (Looks at 
her husband's shut door, laughs.) W'ell, you just 
offer the chance ! (Almost drops receiver.) You 
have a case for me? Oh, wait a minute — a minute! 
(Sits, dra-cvs pad, pencil across.) All right. What? 
Your maid left without warning — you withheld 
wages — now she is suing you. Yes. 77/ take the 
case. Suppose you drop in this evening, and I will 
have everything drawn up for you to glance over. 
Can you? Good. Yes. Of course I can have it all 
ready for you. Good-bye. (Hangs up receiver, gath- 
ers up her notes, passes gaily across to her room. 
Turns on the threshold.) Now, Mr. Carl1;on Jones — 
we shall see ! 

(Exits. Closes door. Jones's door opens — he steps 
out, expecting to encounter his zvife. Sighs, 
drops into chair, sJiakes his head dejectedly, is 
pitying himself heartily. Smoking, picks up 
evening paper — Jiolds it at arm's length. Sighs.) 

Jones. Spoilt my evening for me. (Sighs, looks 
fixedly at the story.) Poor misguided soul! 

Mary. (The maid enters stealthily — stands peer- 
ing about — cranes her neck toward Mrs. Jones's 
shut door. Sees Jones — gains assurance — comes 
quietly down, coughs apologetically. Jones pays no 
attention. She cougJis again — speaks mysteriously) 
Mr. Jones — soir. 

Jones. (Lifelessly) Yes, Mary. 

Mary. Mr. Jones. I — I was wanting to ask yer 
opinion on — a — a case. 



JONES VERSUS JONES 17 

Jones. (Whips around) Good Lord ! You study- 
ing law, too, Mary? 

Mary. (Jimip of alarmed disgust) No, soir. 
Divvil a wurrud do I know about it. That's why I 
cum to you, soir. To advoise me. 

Jones. Oh, all right, Mary. Fire away. 

Mary. Well, soir, could I sue a lady who didn't 
pay me me back pay ? 

Jones. (Warily) Well, that depends. Who is 
the woman, Mary? 

Mary. (Brightening) Mrs. Keene, soir. Mrs. 
Polly Keene. 

Jones. Not the Mrs. Polly Keene, Mary? Polit- 
ical bally hooer That general, all-round feminine 

agitator — eh ? 

Mary. Yes, soir ; the very one, soir. She was sich 
a nuisance — always havin' them skirmishin' powder- 
puff, argyfyin' females rushin' in and out of her 
rooms that I got sick of it — an' I ups and leaves 
without givin' the usual warnin' — and then, soir, that 
woman wouldn't pay me me back wages. So I 
writes her I am havin' the law on her. And now, 
soir, can I do it? 

Jones. (Enthusiastically) You leave it to me, 
Mary. That's a good girl — just leave it to me. 

Mary. Yes, soir. Much obliged. I'm parlor 
girl, soir — when you may be wantin' me. (Exits.) 

Jones. (Laughs) That's perfect! Lord! I'll 
amuse myself with one of my wife's crew, just to 
show her how they look when all battered to pieces. 
(Chuckles.) Gad! I'm sorry for poor Mrs. Keene. 

Mrs. Jones. (Enters, her arms filled with fat, 
legal hooks. Very business-like — hair slightly dishev- 
eled — very important legal manner. Her husband is 
vastly amused. Turns his back squarely on her to 
• burrozv deeper in his paper and to grin over the 
awful blozv he is going to deal the unfeminine fe- 
males.) Just glance that over, will you ? (Tosses a 



i8 JONES VERSUS JONES 

paper across. She sits, opens a big book, flops over 
the pages, runs her finger doimi, flops more pages 
over. Jones darts an amused expression at her — 
poor soul, it is his last! He fairly bristles zvith 
ivrath a moment later.) 

Jones. (Beginning calmly) "Municipal Court of 

New York — Polly Keene — defendant " Great 

Scott! (Swings about.) Say, where did you pick 
this up? 

Mrs. Jones. (Airily) My first case. Mrs. Keene 
called me up and engaged my services. 

Jones. (Loudly) But she can't — she can't do 
that. 

Mrs. Jones. (Sweetly) Why not, dear? 

Jones. Because this is my case ! 

Mrs. Jones. (Staggered) What? 

Jones. My case ! 

Mrs. Jones. But who engaged your services? 

Jones. (Beaming) The plaintive — her parlor- 
maid did. 

Mrs. Jones. (Calmly returns to her book) Oh, 
that's all right. 

Jones. (Fully restored to good humor) Natur- 
ally ! You've got to drop it. 

Mrs. Jones. (Unruffled) Not a bit of it! 

Jones. (Nonplussed) Say ! Do you suppose I 
am going to fight this case out against you? 

Mrs. Jones. (Proudly) If you take the plaintive's 
case — you are ! 

QoNES looks squarely across at his wife. He ex- 
pects to zvithcr her; but she does not wince.) 

Jones. (After a slight pause) Well, I'll be — 
damned ! 

Mrs. Jones. (Quickly) Don't be coarse, Carl- 
ton. (With horrid pois'e.) Drop your side, if 
you're scared. 



JONES VERSUS JONES 19 

Jones. (Grips the table firmly, rises, seems al- 
most about to percipitate himself across it. Mrs. 
Jones does not shrink at all.) Go on! Go on, 
madam ! But let's be calm ! (He szvallozvs heavily 

she is driving the man to his disadvantage.) Since 

my marriage you've been a sane, sound, sensible wife 

noted for your beauty, your wit— such a woman 

as I have been proud to claim. But by the great 
j^erring — if you persist in making a fool of your- 
self, then, madam, there is bound to be trouble. 
You'll regret it. 

Mrs. Jones. Do you think you can scare me mto 
dropping this case? And when I married you— 
well, according to your lights, you've been a good 
husband to me. You are moral, ambitious— and 
wonderful ! But you know you wouldn t dare bully 
a brother attorney the way you are bullying me. 
You must understand, Carlton, that I have the same 
right to practice— and— fc^; the great herring, 1 m 

qoinq to! . ^ 1 r 

Jones. (Sneers) You'll make a fine show of your- 
self, poor woman. 

Mrs. Jones. I'm not afraid of losing. 

Jones. (Gibes) Fools rush in 

Mrs. Jones. (Flushes) Nice professional etiquette, 

calling me names. 1 .1 ^ 1 

Jones. (Roars ) So help me— you drop that case ! 

Mrs. Jones. No! 

Jones. (Exasperated, leaps to feet) Ihen, 
madam, here is another case for you. 

Mrs. Jones. Good. What is it? 

Tones. In the divorce courts—Jones Versus Jones. 
You can come to a decision, madam— as quickly as 

^""mrs^ones. (Rising, sweeps up her paper) Thank 
vou' f will settle that immediately. (She moves 
rapidly toward her room, turns at her door, erect and 



20 JONES VERSUS JONES 

spirited.) I shall sleep at mother's to-night. Please 
send my trunks after me. (Exits, banging door.) 

Jones. (Looks as if he zvould dash in after her — 
then turns hopelessly away. Stands transfixed a 
minute, then like a thunder-cloud he makes a dash 
for his rooms. A traveling case comes flying out, 
then his hoots, and a scattering of collars and cloth- 
ing. Jones comes zvJiipping out after them, hurdles 
across the litter, looks about wildly.) Where the 
devil is my razor? (Stirs his things up wildly — 
looks across at his zvife's door, hesitates, rushes at it, 
bangs loudly on the door.) Say! (Knocks smart- 
ly.) You! (Knocks again.) Throw out my things 
— and be quick about it. Won't you answer me? 
(Knocks harder.) Do it ! And be quick about it. 
(He hears a szvish of her skirts and nimbly jumps 
back to a safe distance. The door is opened and out 
flies some apparel. Her voice calls bitterly.) 

Mrs. Jones. Why didn't you break in the door 
and strike me? 

Jones. You begin to see what you deserve, I 
notice ! 

Mrs. Jones, Brute! 

Jones. Eh ! Jezebel ! What will you say to your 
mother when you arrive home? Think she is going 
to receive you in — without comment? (Packing.) 
I suppose you will have all the notoriety you want 
before this case is over, my lady. 

Mrs. Jones. (Cries back) Keep on ! Go on, 
Carlton. 

Jones. Since you want to shine as a business 
woman, this is your chance. You can settle all the 
costs — and excuse me from paying alimony — Mrs. 
Attorney! 

Mrs. Jones. (Calls) Keep your opinions for 
the court. 

Jones. Boo ! You'll need to keep yours for 
some — sister attorney. 



JONES VERSUS JONES 21 

Mrs. Jones. (Cries) That's a compliment to 
my sex ! 

Jones. Eh — tabby-cats! 

Mrs. Jones. Take all the advantage you can ! It's 
your last chance to browbeat me. 

Jones. (Slapping bags together) Henpecking — 
is your favorite pastime ! 

(^Mrs. Jones comes out carrying a small hand-bag; 
she has thrown a handsome carriage coat on 
over her gown. As she sweeps into the room, 
the bell rings, but Mary going toward the door 
passes unnoticed. Mrs. Jones has gone down 
majestically toward the fireplace — Jones has 
glared at her — and bolted into his room. She 
hears his door slam. Then very quickly she 
picks up his framed photograph — looks at it — 
then drops it into her hand-bag. She is glancing 
about to see zvhat other trinkets she must carry 
away, when in comes Mrs. "Dolly," as blithe 
and gay as a spring morning.) 

Mrs. Keene. Alice ! 

Mrs. Jones. (Murmurs) Oh — Mrs. Keene. 

Mrs. Keene. (Taking in zvrap) Going out? I 
won't detain you but a second, darling. (^Jones 
hears the voice and slips out.) And — old Carl ! De- 
lightful ! (She grasps his hand — turns her head 
tozvard Mrs. Jones.) I see you have my Mary 
here. 

Mrs. Jones. (Da::cd and embarrassed, does not 
sense the situation, but Jones is bristling with joy. 
He adjusts himself to watch the encounter.) What, 
dear? 

Mrs. Keene. (Nodding plumes complacently) 
Yes. The maid who left me. 

Mrs. Jones. Oh ! 

Mrs. Keene. And so we can settle that case 



22 JONES VERSUS jon:es 

right off. (Before Mrs. Jones has gripped herself 
together, Mrs. Keene has hustled to the center door 
and beckons to the 'distant Mary J One moment, 
Mary, please. Qones smothers a chuckle. Mrs. 
Jones's glare wilts hiin.) It will make us all so 
happy. (Enter Mary, set, grim face. Mrs. Keene 
bubbles zvith energy. Mrs. Jones is waxing angry.) 
Mary, if I pay the money that you feel is coming to 
you for wages — in arrears, will you act as a guard 
where we are holding a Congressional rally to-night ? 
("Mrs. Keene has Mrs. Jones on her right, Mr. 
Jones on her left, Mary is slightly back in the 
group. She sniffs, folds her arms indifferently. 
Mrs. Keene, all agloiv, beams on Mrs. Jones. j We 
are planning a diplomatic demonstration of protest, 
darling. It's time the country realized the steering 
gear on the Ship of State is slued all to one side ! 
Will you, Mary? 

Mary. (Hesitates at first) I can't make much of 
a ballast wheel meself, ma'am. Much obliged. 

Mrs. Keene. (Suavely) But if I doubled those 
wages, Mary? 

Mrs. Jones. (Aroused, explodes) Bribery, Mrs. 
Keene ! 

Mrs. Keene. (Toying zvith fat-looking, stunning 
bag) Now, now, my dear, let me handle this case. 
Well, Mary? 

Mary. (Wreathed in smiles) I've always main- 
tained you wuz no fool of a woman, yourself, ma'am. 
Well, all right ! 

Mrs. Keene. (Hands her money) None of your 
compliments, my girl ! There. And no hard feel- 
ings between us. 

Mary. Whisht, ma'am. I'll jump at helpin' you, 
any time. Much obliged. 

Mrs. Keene. The Congressional rally headquar- 
ters, Mary. To-night. 



JONES VERSUS JONES 23 

Mary. (Blithely) Sure, ma'am, I'll be there. 
(Exits, counting money. Jones chuckles.) 

Mrs. Keene. (Preening herself, appeals to both 
triumphantly) There! That shows what a little 
open diplomacy can do! Bribery? An old-fash- 
ioned method, my child. I am not a lawyer, but at 
least I was clever enough to settle that little dispute 
with no great difficulty. (Szifeeps across to Jones, 
hand extended.) Congratulate me! 

Jones. (Cordially) Bully! 

Mrs. Keene. (She dimples, flounces across to 
dear Alice, smile and hand going before her) And 
from you — it will be a real compliment, Alice ! 

Mrs. Jones. (Calmly) My fee, if you please. 
One hundred dollars 

Mrs. Keene. (Jumps as if her hand scorched) 
What? 

Mrs. Jones. (Undisturbed) You retained my 
services as counsel for this case — now I demand my 
fee. 

Mrs. Keene. (Shocked, horrified beyond belief. 
Hurls her zvords at her friend) The very idea! 
JVhy, Alice Jones! I merely talked over the tele- 
phone to you. (Advances, wagging her finger.) 
You can't deny that. Just a friendly, happy con- 
versation. 

Mrs. Jones. You asked me to accept this case, 
Airs. Keene, and I did. 

Mrs. Keene. But I entered into no contract with 
you. 

Mrs. Jones. Verbal consent is a contract. 

Mrs. Keene. (Hysterically) But — I didn't know 
that. How could I know it ? Anybody will tell you 
I was ignorant of those facts. 

Mrs. Jones. Ignorance of the law excuses no 
one. 

Mrs. Keene. (Stamps foot) But I settled this 
case myself. 



24 JONES VERSUS JONES 

Mrs. Jones. You cannot. 

Mrs. Keene. But you poor soul, I did — I was 
standing right there 

Mrs. Jones. If the case is settled out of court, you 
have saved the expenses of the court. 

Mrs. Keene. (Triiunphantly) There! You ad- 
mit it! 

Mrs. Jones. But — as your attorney, I still de- 
mand my fee. 

Mrs. Keene. Well, of all the nerve ! I won't 

listen to such nonsense. 

Mrs. Jones. (Lightly) Then — revoke the case. 

Mrs. Keene. (Jump's at it blithely) All right ! I 
revoke the case — whatever that is. 

Mrs. Jones. (Quietly) That makes you liable 
in damages for all expenses connected with it. 

(^Mrs. Keene is staggered. She rallies almost in- 
stantly and appeals to Mr. Jones. j 

Mrs. Keene. Heavens ! Who — surely, Mr. Jones, 
this isn't at all fair. (Suddenly loses her temper, 
stamps.) I demand, sir, that you speak to your 
wife! 

Mrs. Jones. (Flashes hack) That is irregular. 
Any appeal must be made to the court. 

Mrs. Keene. (Deaf to her, speaks pathetically) 
You are an admirable lawyer. The truth is, had I 
seriously wanted the case taken up I should have 
consulted a man. He has a profound understand- 
ing of law. (Barks at Alice. j And of women! 
(Pleads to Jones again.) It is your opinion I want, 
Carlton. 

Jones. (Reluctantly) Your — counsel is right, 
Mrs. Keene. An appeal must be made to the court. 
That is the law. (^Mrs. Jones gasps. Looks toward 
him. Her manner has undergone a bright change.) 

Mrs. Keene. (At bay — is defiant and angry) 



JONES VERSUS JONES 25 

The law! The Imv! What do either of you know 
about the law? Just because I was smart enough 
to settle this case myself, you are both jealous of me. 
There you stand, inventing all sorts of schemes to 
swallow up some of my money. 

Jones. Not at all, Mrs. Keene. The point is, I 
must uphold my — er — brother attorney. 

Mrs. Keene. Brother fiddlesticks! 

Jones. If you are not satisfied, by filing a bond 
you can carry your case to court. Ell take your 
bond. 

Mrs. Keene. Oh, no, you won't. Ell take my 
bond myself — Ell file it myself — and go to court 
with the case myself. Ell not be the cat's-paw for 
either of you! (Starts aivay in righteous wrath.) 
Robbers! (She is gone. Her plumes waving in- 
dignantly.) 

Mrs. Jones. (Dropping down on fireside seat) 
And so endeth my first case ! 

Jones. (Standing over her proudly) You can't 
mean to drop it ! 

Mrs. Jones. Of course! Poor dear Polly. 
(Looks up at him whimsically ) The blessed woman 
gave me the chance I wanted to show off before 
you. 

Jones. (Beaming) George ! I never saw your 
real self before. But Em proud of you ! 

Mrs. Jones. (Briefly) Don't mock me. 

Jones. (With convincing spirit) Em sincere. 
Never more so in my life. Why, you'll make a 
howling success of the law. 

Mrs. Jones. (Demurely) You are laughing at 
me now. You know I am not going to practice. 

Jones. (Decidedly) Yes, you are! That's de- 
cided ! (Straddles on the rug, tilts his head and ad- 
mires his wife.) It's queer how youVe picked up my 
very manner! 



26 JONES VERSUS JONES 

Mrs. Jones. (Jumps) What? (Laughs.) Oh, 
Carlton, what a boy you are ! 

Jones. (Honest conviction) It's from being so 
close together in everything. That's it. 

Mrs. Jones. (Relishing it) You dumbfound me ! 
When will you take me for your clerk ? 

Jones. (Emphatically) Clerk, nothing! My part- 
ner, madam. (Bozvs over her hand.) 

Mrs. Jones (Eyes dancing with mischief) Gen- 
eral, Limited, or Joint partnership, sir ! 

Jones. (Grins) .Joint — you Shylock. 

Mrs. Jones. (Glistening eyes) Carlton ! Your 
partner ! "Jo"^^^ ^'^'^^^ Joiies,^ Attorneys-at-Law." 

Jones. (Giving over grandly) Yes. I'll order 
the new shingle to-morrow. 

Mrs. Jones. (Neatly) Shall I rehearse receiving 
it? How is this. On my knees, Carlton? (She 
seems about to szveep in her deep curtsey to the 
floor, there to remain with bent head.) 

Jones. (The tone she loves to hear in his voice) 
Never there, dear heart. Always here — in my 
arms. (He holds Jier close to his heart. There is a 
merry but happy look in her eyes as she glances into 
his. It zvonld annoy them both if zve zvatched their 
heads drawing closer together.) 



THE END 



THE REJUVENATION OF AUNT MARY. 

The famous comedy in throe acts, by Anne Warner. 7 males, 6 
females. Three interior scenes. Costumes modern. Plays 2J4 hours. 

This IS a g-enuinely funny comedy with splendid pajrts for "Aunt 
Mary," "Jack," her lively nephew; "Lucinda," a New England an- 
cient maid of all work; "Jack's" three chums; the dirl "Jack" loves; 
'Joshua," Aunt Mary's hired man, etc. 

"Aunt Mary" was played by May Robson in Now York and on tour 
for over two years, and it is sure to be a big success wherever pro- 
duced. We strongly recommend it. Price, 6G Cents- 



MRS. BUMSTEAD-LEIGH. 

A pleasingr comedy, in three acts, by Harry James Smith, author of 
*'The Tailor-Made Man." 6 males, 6 females. One interior scene. 
Costumes modern. Plays 2J4 hours. 

Mr. Smith chose for his initial comedy the complications arising 
Irom the endeavors of a social climber to land herself in the altitude 
.peopled by hyphenated names — a theme permitting innumerable com- 
' plications, according to the spirit of the writer. 

This most successful comedy was toured for several seasons by Mrs. 
Fiske with enormous success. Price, 60 Cents. 



MRS. TEMPLE'S TELEGRAM. 

A most successful farce in three acts, by Frank Wyatt and Wil- 
liam Morris. 5 males, 4 females. One interior scene stands through- 
out the three acts. Costumes modern. Plays 2^ hours. 

"Mrs. Temple's Telegram" is a sprightly farce in which there is 
an abundance of fun without any taint of impropriety or any ele- 
ment of offence. As noticed by Sir Walter Scott, "Oh, what a 
tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." 

There is not a dull moment in the entire farce, and from the time 
the curtain rises until it makes the final drop the fun is fast and 
furious. A %SiT exceptional farce. I'rice, 60 Cents. 



THE NEW CO-ED. 

A comedy in four acts, by Marie Doran, author of "Tempest and 
Sunshine," etc. Characters, 4 males, 7 females, though any number 
of boys and girls can be introduced in the action of the play. One 
interier and one exterior scene, but can be easily played in one inte- 
rior scene. Costumes modern. Time, about 2 hours. 

The theme »if this play is the coming of a new student to the col- 
lege, her reception by the scholars, her trials and final triumph. 

There are three especially good girls' parts, Lctty, Madge and 
Estelle, but the others have plenty to do. "Punch" Doolittle and 
George Washington Watts, a gentleman of color, are two particularly 
good comedy characters. We can strongly recommend "The New 
Co-Ed" to high schools and amateurs. Price, 30 Cttita. 

(The Above Are Subject to Royalty When Pinod4ie«dX 
SAMUEL FRENCH, 26-30 WMt 36tli StrM«. N«w York Gtty 

New and Exfriiett Deseripriv* 



BILLETED. 

A comedy in 3 acts, by F. Tennison Jesse and H. Harwood. 4 
males, 5 females. One easy interior seen''. A charming comedy, 
constructed with uncommon skill, and abounds with clever lines. 
Margaret Anglin's big success. Amateurs will find this comedy easy 
to produce and popular with all audiences. Price, 60 Cents. 

NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH. 

A comedy in 3 acts. By James Montgomery. 5 males, 6 females. 
Costumes, modern. Two interior scenes. Plays 2^ hours. 

Is it possible to tell the absolute truth — even for twenty-four hours? 
It is— at least Bob Bennett, the hero of "Nothing But the Truth," 
accomplished the feat. The bet he made with his business partners, 
and the trouble he got into — with his partners, his friends, and his 
fiancee — this is the subject of William Collier's tremendous comedy 
hit. "Nothing But the Truth" can be whole-heartedly recommended 
as one of the most sprightly, amusing and popular comedies that this 
country pvi boast. Price, 60 Cents. 



IN WALKED JIMMY. 



A comedy in 4 acts, by Minnie Z. Jafifa. 10 males, ? females (al- 
though any number of males and females may be used as clerks, 
etc.). Two interior scenes. Costumes, modern. Plays 2^/2 hours. 
The thing into which Jimmy walked was a broken-down shoe factory, 
when the clerks had all been fired, and when the proprietor was in 
serious contemplation of suicide. 

Jimmy, nothing else but plain Jimmy, would have been a mysterious 
figure had it not been for his matter-of-fact manner, his smile and 
his everlasting humanness. He put the shoe business on its feet, won 
the heart of the girl clerk, saved her erring brother from jail, escaped 
that place as a permanent boarding house himself, and foiled the 
villain. 

Clean, wholesome comedy with just a touch of human nature, just 
a dash of excitement and more than a little bit of true philosophy 
make "In Walked Jimmy" one of the most ^ delightful of plays. 
Jimmy is full of the religion of life, the religion of happiness and 
the religion of helpfulness, and he so permeates the atmosphere with 
his "religion" that everyone is happy. The spirit of optimism, good 
cheer, and hearty laughter dominates the play. There is not a dull 
moment in any of the four acts. We strongly recommend it. 

Price, 60 Cents. 



MARTHA BY-THE-DAY. 

An optimistic comedy in three acts, by Julie M. Lippmann, author 
of the "Martha" stories. 5 males, 5 females. Three interior scenes. 
Costumes modern. Plays 2J/i hours. 

It is altogether a gentle thing, this play. It is full of quaint hu- 
mor, old-fashioned, homely sentiment, the kind that people who see 
the play will recall and chuckle over to-morrow and the next day. 

Miss Lippmann has herself adapted her very successful book for 
stage service, and in doing this has selected from her novel the most 
telling incidents, infectious comedy and homely sentiment for the 
play, and the result is thoroughly delightful. Price, 60 Cents. 

(The Above Are Subject to Royalty When Produced) 
SAMUEL FRENCH, 28-30 We»t 38th Street, New York City 

New and Explicit Descriptive Catalogue Mailed Free on Request 



Golden Days 



A comedy of youth, in four acts, by Sidney Toler and 
Marion Short. 7 males, 10 females. Three interior 
scenes. Costumes modern. Plays 21/^ hours. 

"Golden Days" is a play with all the charm of youth. 
It enjoyed a run of sixteen weeks in Chicago with 
Patricia Collinge in the leading role, and was then 
brought to the Gaiety Theatre, New York, with Helen 
Hayes in the part of "'Mary Anne." Price, 75 cents. 

Come Out of the Kitchen 

A charming comedy in 3 acts, adapted bv A. E. Thomas 
from the story of the same name by Alice Duer Miller. 6 
males, 5 females. Three interior scenes. Costumes, 
modern. Plays 2y2 hours. 

"Come Out of the Kitchen," with Ruth Chatterton in 
the leading role, made a notable success on its produc- 
tion by Henry Miller at the Cohan Theatre, New York. 
Tt was also a great success at the Strand Theatre, Lon- 
don. A most ingenious and entertaining comedy, and 
we strongly recommend it for amateur production. 

Price, 75 cents 

His Majesty Bunker Bean 

A farcical comedy in four acts. By Lee Wilson Dodd. 
from the novel by Harry Leon Wilson. 12 males, 6 
females. Four interior scenes. Costumes, modern, Plaj^s 
2V^ hours. Those who have laughed immoderately at 
Harrj' Leon Wilson's story will be greatly amused by 
the play, which tells the story of a cowed and cred- 
ulous youth who became kingly when he was tricked 
into believing himself a reincarnation of Napoleon. "His 
Majesty Bunker Bean," with Taylor Holmes in the title 
role, was brought to the Astor Theatre, New York, 
after a run of 25 weeks in Chicago. A delightful and 
wholesome farce comedy with no dull moments. 

Price, 75 cents 



A Full House 



A farcical comedy in three acts. By Fred Jackson. 
7 males, 7 females. One interior scene. Modern cos- 
tumes. Plays 21/^ hours. This newest and funniest of 
all fai'ces was written by Fred Jackson, the well-known 
short story writer, and is backed up by the prestige 
of an impressive New York success and the promise of 
unlimited fun presented in the most attractive form. 
A cleverer farce has not been seen for many a long 
day. "A Full House" Js a house full of laughs. 

Price, 75 cents 

(The Abov*- Are Siabject t« Royalty When Produced) 

y, __ ^ 

SAMI EL FRENCH, 28-30 West 3Sth Street, New York City 
Xew ni:<l Explieit Descriptive Catalojcnie 31ailed 

I"r4»e o:i Request ^ 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



Claren 




016 103 715 1 



A comedy in four acts by Bot 
of "The Man From Home," "Penrod," "The Country 
Cousin," etc. 5 males, 5 females. Two interior scenes. 
Costumes, modern. Plays 2i/^ laours. 

Clarence has no medals, no shoulders bars, no great 
accomplishment. One of the "five million," he served 
where he was sent — though it was no further than Texas. 
As an entomologist he found — on this side of the ocean — 
no field for his specialty in the great war. So they set 
him to driving mules. 

Now, reduced to civil life and seeking a job, he finds 
H position in the home of one, Wheeler, a wealthy Eng- 
elwood man with a family. And because he'd "been in 
the army" he becomes guide, philosopher and friend to 
the members of that same agitated and distracted family 
group. Clarence's position is an anomolous one. He 
mends the bathroom plumbing, he tunes the piano, he 
types — off stage — he plays the saxophone. And around 
him revolves such a group of characters as only Booth 
Tarkington could offer. It is a real American comedy; 
and the audience ripples with appreciative and delighted 
laughter. 

Those marvelous young people, Cora and Bobby Wheel- 
er, are portrait sketches warranted to appeal to every 
one but the originals. Their truth will be lost on the 
"Flapper" and the "prep" school youth, but to their par- 
ents and guardians, to all, indeed, who have emerged 
from the serious, self-conscious, period of adolescence, 
they will be an enduring joy. 

"Clarence" is a real delight. It is as American as 
'■TTuckleb«rry Finn" or pumpkin pie. It is as delight- 
ful as any native comedy which has tried to lure the 
laughter of this country in the last ten seasons. 

Price, 75 cents. 

Three Live Ghosts 

A comedy in three acts by Frederick Isham and Max 
Marcin. 6 males, 4 females (2 policemen). One interior 
scene stands throughout the three acts. Costumes, mo- 
dern. Plays 21/^ hours. 

"Three Live Ghosts" is brim full of fun and humor and 
is sure to keep audiences in gales of laughter. The 
New York critics described it as the most ingenious 
and amusing comedy of the season and genuinelj'^ and 
heartily funny. It played a full season in New York 
and then toured the big cities. A lively comedy of merit 
we can strongly recommend for amatevir production. 

Price, 75 cents, 

(The Al>ov«» Are Subject -to Royalty When Produced) 

S AMUEI^ FKENCH, 2S-30 W>st 3Sth Street, New York City 

\ew and Ii:xplicit Descriutive Catalogue Mailed . 
Free ots Request 



